She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
