At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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