We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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