We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
