You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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