So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
