You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
