dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
