My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
