That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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