You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
