I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
