I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
