I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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