Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
