her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize