Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
