he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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