At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she peed on how many people?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
