his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
