i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
