I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
