guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
