I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
