You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize