saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
