My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Randomize
