I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
whose parrot is this?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
