we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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