I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then my night got REAL pukey
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
