I heard we made out
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
