She's like a pop up book from hell.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
