I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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