I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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