We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
