so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
should my penis look like a turkey
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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