spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
