none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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