I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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