I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
