If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
