I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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