There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize