So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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