so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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