so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
