Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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