I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
