Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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