I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
