i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
