Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize