i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
