I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
