Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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