We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
