I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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