he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
