it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
