Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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