i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
