I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
