totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
