weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i dont even know how to be here
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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