so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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