from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
