Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
