you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
