I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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