Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
