i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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