i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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