she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
